ARRIVAL
The birth of a baby should be a time of wonder and excitement but sadly it is not for many families. This is my story, from my perspective. It may not be the perspective others see but this is how I see it.
In 1955, I was born to a 15 year old, unwed mother and the plan was for me to be adopted outside of the family. My grandparents were hard working and didn't have much money. I came prematurly and had to stay in the hospital longer than expected. During this time, my grandfather spoke up and said he didn't see how anyone could give up one of their own and so when the time was right, I went home to live with my grandparents and my mother.
Time passed and eventually my mother got married. Her husband was a wife abuser and after one particular episode, I was given back to my grandparents. (There is much more but I am just telling the highlights here.) Several years later, I was legally adopted by my grandparents.
When I was a preteen, my grandmother died of cancer. I lived with my grandfather until I quit school to get married...
This is where I choose to stop my story and where I desire to explain my viewpoint, thusfar. Up until now, I have tried to state basic facts for you and leave out the flood of emotions. I have dealt with various feelings over the years (anger, bitterness, regret, intolerance, hatred, betrayal, forgiveness, pity, love, acceptance, etc. etc. etc.)
These are the things I am sure of...
I love my natural mother and she loves me. She is living closeby and we visit and talk occasionally. We have come to an understanding over the years. I do not know what it is like to have been brought up by parents. I can only imagine the feelings that should have been mine... but, I have learned not to blame.
My grandparents were my caregivers. It was especially my grandfather who taught me kind and gentle ways. You see, he had the time. My grandmother worked outside the home to help supplement social security. She didn't have much time to spare. If my grandmother had lived, I may have learned great things from her. But, that was not to be...
Today, looking back I do not regret the state of my birth. It cannot be changed. I do not regret being raised by my grandparents. I sometimes wish I could have a more loving relationship with my mother but, we have both struggled to know just what our relationship is. My grandparents were very good to me, but I will always think of them as my grandparents. My mother is my mother whether she physically raised me or not.
I have learned many things because of my situation. But I probably learned the most when I had children of my own. The most important "virtue" I learned was "acceptance".
In my adult life, I have used my experiences to help me with children. I seem to have a special sensitivity towards children who are in similar situations. Somehow they know that I understand them. Although I cannot change their lives for them, I can help them to accept their life rather than to fight it...
I believe that this has been my calling... to reach children and help them with their feelings when life has been less than ideal....
Thanks for listening.
Moni
~^..^~
