This is just a little glimpse inside my heart for you... Everyone has a different way of looking at it. My way may not be your way but my way worked for me given time. Time is what I had. I chose not to date or even think too much about it while my children were still growing up with me. That job of motherhood seemed too big to add another element to it. (By element, I mean dating and everything that goes with it...) But, it actually took me a full seven years to get over the pain of my first marriage. You see, I had been married for 21 years when my divorce became final. It wouldn't have been fair to subject a man to the fate of my pain. All this taken into account, my kids were in their early twenties when I began to date. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. There were many preperation steps taken before my first date after "D" day. My work was the only thing that wasn't changing... Everything else was in constant motion....My friends were a major comfort to me. They were new friends because (as you probably guesed) old friends don't hang around after a divorce. They're too afraid it might happen to them and they don't know what to say or how to act...so they disappear. That's just as well because the ebb and flow of feelings during the healing process is crazy. You love, you cry, you hate, you die! Then one day it's truly over... You're free... No more pain...So, with my new friends, we simply did things together. We had get togethers, went shopping, and to the movies. We had several day trips to interesting places. We did all the things that friends do. One of my friends was single and one was not. Above all, we shared our lives with each other and helped each other through the day to day of living. These girls became and still are my closest friends.Another thing I did to prepare myself for my future was to write. I began a journal of my feelings and daily happenings. I have about six of these journals still lying around someplace. I won't part with them in case I need them to reflect sometime. My journal writing was the outlet for my mixed up feelings and all my fears. During this time I began to look at single men and wonder if any of them were worth being with me. I view this as very important. Many women I know don't think of this at all and just wonder if they are good enough for the guy... Well, I had become my own person and although I wanted to share life with someone dear... they had to measure up to my standards of them. It is okay to have standards. I've tried to teach both my children to have high standards so is it any less important that I, too, have high standards?I got a discount card at the book store during this time and had a grand time reading. Our book store allows a place to sit and read before you purchase. I read many a book (several chapters in) before I finally bought them. There are lots of books on healing. I read all of John Gray's books (you know, Mars and Venus.) I also read The Rules and The Real Rules. Some of the books I read were silly but others had good information. (And actually, I needed those silly books... sometimes we take life too seriously...) I'm also a magazine addict. Every article I could read on soft skin, pretty hair, diet and exercise... no rock unturned by me. And oh, I watched Oprah every chance I got!Then I checked out the singles dating groups in my town. Not much there, but I did go to a few events which were initially free. I didn't see anything I was willing to pay to be a part of so... I sent away to be added to a Christian dating list. I wasted $75 on that one. They add you to a list and mail screened information out to about 12 states. You receive a list each month. If you're interested, you'll go through some processing steps and set up a phone meeting. Then you take it from there. Did you get the part where you are on a list of 12 states? I don't know about you but long distance isn't my thing. Anyway during all this I bumped into a fellow at a local event and we started dating. We were just two lonely people filling up a lonely space... We dated about seven months and both decided that we should move on because we knew it wasn't going anywhere. (I'm so glad I read those Mars and Venus books....)I decided that I would make a major investment and join an expensive dating service. This one was an hour's drive away but I checked it out. They had certified counselors and had been in business for over 15 years. Each client was handled by an individual counselor. Unlike the local dating clubs and the mail-in service this was safer because you dealt with a third party. The dating service had all kinds of information on each client. I looked at this like buying a car or furniture. I did my homework. The service had certain protocol that made it safe. I would suggest if anyone does this type dating they they tell as many people as possible and have the prospective date meet your friends casually. Was I scared? You bet. Was it worth it? Definitely! I found someone to share my life with. This person isn't above me or below me but walks beside me. We are enough alike to understand each other but we are different enough to keep life interesting. I wish this happiness I've found for everyone who has ever traveled a lonely road...
